Sunday, March 30, 2008

New Zealand Man Buggered by Wombat?

AP: A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he had been raped by a wombat and the experience had caused him to start speaking "Australian..." Read the shocking Story

It is believed that the wombat was acting alone in this case, and was not part of a larger conspiracy against mankind in general. We will be tracking this new form of terror closely, and the Dept. of Homeland Security may institute a separate "Wombat Security Advisory System" ranging from green safety to red terror.

Deputy Press Secretary Tony Fratto added that the President will also consider creating a new "Wombat Czar" position in his cabinet.

*Cat owners were quick to point out that Wombats originally diverged from canines some 50 million years ago in the evolutionary tree, and have no relation whatsoever to felines.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Cat Is Safe, But The House is Destroyed

Two homeowners in Gilbert, Ariz. will be able to sleep much easier now that a cat that had been trapped in the walls of their new home has been captured. But now they have to deal with rebuilding the interior of their house.

Wayne Berkowitz and his wife moved into their new home, but it came with an unwanted option that ended with a lot of destruction; a cat trapped in the walls.

Berkowitz says he has listened to the cat crying behind the walls of his home for a couple of weeks. Finally he called the builder for help and that's when the destruction of his new home began.

At first the ceiling in his living room was torn down. Over a period of several days, holes were smashed into walls; exterior walls were cut away, making the home unlivable.

Finally, Thursday morning after two more holes were cut into walls in the master bathroom, the kitty was caught.

Officials with the homebuilder, K Hovnanian Homes, say the company is going to make sure everything is "right" for the Berkowitz family.

Wayne Berkowitz says the builder is going to fix all of the damage in the home free of charge and while the work is being done the homebuilder is putting them up in a hotel and making the first mortgage payment.

As for the cat, it turns out it belongs to a neighbor.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Dog Subjected to Inhumane Treatment

Interrogation techniques like this cause America to lose our "moral high ground" in the World...

Monday, March 03, 2008

Talking Dogs Relay encoded Messages

Turn up your computer and allow your dog to listen to these important instructions for the canine revolution...

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Chihuahua Paratrooper Unhurt

An Australian man foolishly tried to accompany his Chihuahua during an otherwise routine purebreed revolution training exercise. The man ended up crashing himself and the chihuahua paratrooper into a tree, necessitating the embarrassment of a "dog rescue" high up in the tree branches.

From the AFP:
Police said the man received abrasions in the crash. The chihuahua was believed to be unharmed.
The chihuahua was also believed to be "really pissed off" and contemplating open warfare with his owner. Chihuahuas are known to be excellent paratroopers given their small size and rogue personalities. But such an embarrassment is intolerable to leaders of the revolution, and the chihuahua may need to urinate upon the man's head to reestablish dominance.