Canine Space Program Gains Momentum

Homeland Security has not commented on recent internet chatter suggesting that the canine space program is gaining momentum.

There is rising concern that ever since the first dog, Laika, orbited the Earth aboard Sputnik II in 1957, dogs have had aspirations to colonize space.

Some claim that the dogs intend to study Sirius, the dog star. (part of the constellation canis major) Others claim that the dogs are just looking for a "world without Paris Hilton."

Dog Subjected to Inhumane Treatment

Interrogation techniques like this cause America to lose our "moral high ground" in the World...

News of Spears' Treatment of Chihuahuas Sparks Gaza Violence

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) - Gunbattles raged in the streets of Gaza City today, as militants burned cd's and posters of American pop icon Britney Spears.

According to witnesses, the violence was triggered by details of Spears' neglectful treatment of her three Chihuahuas, and news that she was named the "World's Worst Dog Owner."

Details of the report, which were broadcast on al-Jazeera television, inferred that on several occassions the Chihuahuas were left alone in a room with Spears' then husband "K-Fed" as he worked on his recent rap album; a practice that Palestinians have claimed constitutes torture under the Geneva Conventions.

Embattled White House Press Secretary Tony Snow had no comment on the accusations, but did confirm that the US would be broadcasting "Barney's Holiday Extravaganza" on Arab television continuously through Christmas in an effort to win the hearts and minds of the people.