Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Possible Canine Hostage?

ObeyThePureBreed.com has just received this shocking photo, sent from an anonymous source. The authenticity cannot be verified, but it appears to show one of two things:
  • A dog being subjected to some kind of medieval torture device
  • Photographic proof of one of the "aliens" that are reportedly entering through the porous US/Mexico border
If you have any information on this mysterious canine, please post a comment below...

Monday, November 26, 2007

Dogs Fear a Feline / Squirrel Alliance

New White House intelligence suggests that squirrels may be forming an alliance with felines. The allegiance of two of the Canine Revolution's biggest foes comes on the heels of several reports of suicide squirrel attacks (see below), as well as rumors that Mailmen may be plotting "spectacular attacks."

It appears that this "insurgency" may challenge the Canine Revolution for control of mankind.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Suicide Squirrels: Terror Level Raised

ASHLAND, Wis. -- A squirrel caused a brief power outage in Ashland today. A spokesman for Xcel Energy said the squirrel made contact with an overhead transformer and knocked out service to 177 costumers Monday. Power was fully restored in just under an hour and crews found the remains of the unfortunate squirrel.

By coincidence, another squirrel got into a substation 40 miles away at Ironwood, Mich., on Monday and caused a temporary outage that affected about 1,400 customers in Ironwood and two nearby communities.

In St. Louis, a third squirrel was blamed for an electrical failure that prompted an early closing of the main campus of
Lewis and Clark Community College on Monday.

*This is no mere coincidence. Although the objective of the squirrel plot is not known, all dogs are being asked to remain vigilant. When encountering a squirrel, all dogs are advised to bark loudly, and to aggressively pursue the potential terrorist.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Dog Marries Man; Plots Revenge

CHENNAI, India (AFP) — An Indian farmer has married his dog in a bid to overcome what he believes is a curse caused by him having stoned to death two mating dogs in his rice field, press reports said.

The 34-year-old farmer, identified as Selvakumar from Sivaganga district in the southern state of Tamil Nadu, fell on bad fortune 15 years ago after killing the dogs and hanging their carcasses from a tree.

A few days later, his hearing and speech were impaired and he was unable to walk. Doctors were clueless, but an astrologer finally told him he was cursed by the spirits of the dogs he had killed. He could undo the curse only if he married a dog and live with it, the soothsayer said.

After a long search for a 'suitable bride', Selvakumar managed to get a four-year-old mongrel bitch from a friend and had a fully-fledged Hindu wedding in front of villagers and elders on Sunday, eyewitnesses said.

The canine bride, named Selvi, was adorned in a sari and flowers and brought to the temple by village women. A Hindu priest conducted the ceremony.

The reports, however, said Selvi the dog attempted to make a run for it -- apparently due to the large crowds -- but was eventually tracked down and returned to her new 'husband'.

"The dog is only for lifting the curse and after that, he plans to get a real bride," a friend of the groom said." Friends of the bride, however, agree that Selvi could have done better, and added that because there was no prenuptial agreement, the dog will get half of
Selvakumar's possesions if the marriage doesn't last. They also added that if the dog-murdering husband "mysteriously" dies or disappears, the dog will get ALL of his possessions - Google News

Friday, November 09, 2007

Profound Philosophical Statement

I think this existential statement about says it all. I'm adding this to the Shih Tzu section.

(For an interesting brief history of the "shit happens" phrase, see this wikipedia page.)

Saturday, November 03, 2007