Tuesday, December 19, 2006

News of Spears' Treatment of Chihuahuas Sparks Gaza Violence

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) - Gunbattles raged in the streets of Gaza City today, as militants burned cd's and posters of American pop icon Britney Spears.

According to witnesses, the violence was triggered by details of Spears' neglectful treatment of her three Chihuahuas, and news that she was named the "World's Worst Dog Owner."

Details of the report, which were broadcast on al-Jazeera television, inferred that on several occassions the Chihuahuas were left alone in a room with Spears' then husband "K-Fed" as he worked on his recent rap album; a practice that Palestinians have claimed constitutes torture under the Geneva Conventions.

Embattled White House Press Secretary Tony Snow had no comment on the accusations, but did confirm that the US would be broadcasting "Barney's Holiday Extravaganza" on Arab television continuously through Christmas in an effort to win the hearts and minds of the people.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Golden Retriever Presides Over Mexican Presidential Ceremony

MEXICO CITY (AP) - Conspiracy theories quickly formed after a Golden Retriever was present at the innauguration of newly elected Mexican President, Felipe Calderon.

The chaotic ceremony lasted only several minutes, as Calderon took the oath of office in front of a jeering crowd of leftists who claim he stole a July election that sparked months of unrest.

During the chaos, several photographers captured images of a Golden Retriever that was present at the ceremony. Although its role was not immediately apparent, supporters of the Canine Revolution claim that the dog's appearance at the innauguration is further evidence of the breed's imperial ambitions, and the wider role of dogs in international politics.

A recent conspiracy theory has also surfaced claiming that the dog is actually Brinkley, a Golden Retriever who recently lost the disputed race for Governor of Alaska. The Whitehouse refused to comment on the assertions, but did raise the nation's Terror Alert level to "Brindle."