Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Claim of Puggle "Pure Breed" Status Sparks Riot

CAIRO, Egypt - Iraq's deep sectarian divisions were once again apparent, as hundreds gathered to protest the Puggle's apparent "pure breed" status on a popular website. (The owner of the website also reported receiving several "harshly worded" emails in protest.)

Although protesters call the breed a "designer mutt," Puggle owners propose that the breed is the product of "intelligent design" because of its complexity. Puggle breeders (In conjunction with The Heritage Foundation) have presented a new theory of evolution that they believe clearly explains the Puggle's origin. (The diagram has reportedly stoked further violence in the Middle East, and caused controversy in Southern public schools.)

In a related story, Money Magazine recently listed the Puggle as the most popular and expensive dog in the U.S., with prices for puppies reaching upwards of $2000. Democrats in the Senate fear that the Puggle's expense could also underscore the widening gap between the "haves" and "have-nots" of our own society, making the breed less accessible to the shrinking American Middle Class.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Madman Claims to Harbor Whippets of Mass Destruction

HANOI, Vietnam - The top U.S. nuclear envoy said Wednesday that talks with North Korea on its nuclear program broke down when its defiant leader, Kim Jong Il, proclaimed that he is harboring one or more Whippets of Mass Destruction.

The North had previously agreed to return to six-party talks after it shocked the world by testing a WMD that reached speeds in excess of 35 mph, and triggered more U.N. sanctions.

In a related story, Kim Jong Il placed last in a recent international poll ranking the most admired world leaders. Placing 19th out of 19, Kim Jong edged out George w. Bush and Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmedinejad for the title of "least admired."

Sunday, November 12, 2006

FBI Investigates Claims of Voter Intimidation

The FBI is looking into reports of voter intimidation in several Virginia counties, including Chesterfield.

The State Board of Elections says voters in Colonial Heights and Chesterfield County were among those who reported "intimidation techniques" used by several Pugs that had made their way into the voting booths.

In Indiana, the FBI was investigating allegations of repeated phone calls and messages with, only "breathing and snorting" on the line.

It's not known whether any formal charges will be brought in the investigation, but defeated incumbant Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania noted that the the Pugs seem to operate "above the law."